Yep, That's Right

Let us not be mistaken in the fact that if there's a will there's definitely a way! This past weekend was that in the form of "another one bites the dust." Yep, that's right. A girls' weekend before she says "I do." Her own wishes were to keep things low key and no crazy shenanigans-at least no crazier than our usual.

Friday is when the festivities began. That night we met in Guadalahoover and had fishbowl margaritas and a Mexican feast. (I put those in order of importance!) We weren't there very long before several of the girls at our table were wet. They should really get out more ;) ha! But yes they were literally wet because the waiter spilled drinks on them. Oops. There was an eclectic group at dinner; friends from back home that had grown up with the bride-to-be, college friends and sorority sisters. There was a fun sponge, some married ones, single ones, crazy ones, sober ones and yes drunk ones too! Yep, that's right. So after a very interesting and well hydrated dinner we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. For some of us, our separate ways was the same way. That way was a road that led straight to my house...to a refrigerator well equipped with grown kool-aid. Yep, that's right, I hosted camp for the very first time!

Saturday the plan was to leave and head towards Atlanta for a day trip. But here's how it really went down: from Hoover to Enterprise to Oxford to Douglasville to Duluth to a Bahama Breeze and back to Hoover all in one day! In all honesty the trip to Atlanta was really just to satisfy the craving for some Bahama Breeze. We never really stopped in Atlanta; we just drove straight through it.

Anyways, back to Saturday. There's never really food in my house, so I got up and went to McDonalds to get breakfast for everyone. When I got back everyone ate and started getting ready. At this time we still hadn't really figured out how we were going to get to the Bahama Breeze. Of course we knew it would be by car but there were six of us and no one's car seated more than five. Tiff did not want to take more than one car because then we would be separated and everyone knows we're much more fun when we're together! So it was decided. We would just squeeze and fit. Yep, that's right. We would make it work and we did. It was unanimous that MB would drive because she's responsible like that. (And because she can't drink because of her headache medicine.) Jac was in the front seat and BA, 2, Tiff and I were all in the backseat. No need for seat belts because if one of us could get loose it would be a miracle. We were each others' safety belts. I guarantee nobody from the back seat had to be worried about flying into the windshield. Don't worry we have proof that this all happened. There are photos. So we get half way down my street and I'm already uncomfortable. I twist, turn and readjust myself so that I am on the other side of Tiff and facing backwards. I was the only person in the back seat with a nonexistent rear end so it was more comfortable for me in this position as well as more spaciously efficient. By the time we got down Hwy 150 we were starting to question our decision. We then began locating car rental locations and narrowing our search to those with SUVs. Our pot of gold was found in the form of an Enterprise and a Tahoe.

To be honest with you, I think some of the most fun that was had happened at the Enterprise. Upon pulling up and parking a gentleman was coming out and got to witness all of us getting out of the car. We looked like carnies getting out of a clown car. He stood there amazed until we were all out and then he began laughing and was still in awe that we had ALL just gotten out of a Honda Accord. The first thing we said was "We want that" and pointed directly at the Tahoe. He said okay and got into a car. We all exchanged a quick look and began laughing because our thoughts were all the same: He doesn't work here! He then rolled the window and confirmed that he did and he was going to pull that car around back (that's what he said) and be right with us. So the six of us walk into the Enterprise, loud and proud because that's how we roll. The staff consisted of all men probably close to our ages. That's always a good sign! And we instantly made ourselves at home and became the entertainment for the Enterprise employees and fellow patrons. We were probably the most fun they had ever encountered and I'm sure they left wishing that they could live vicariously through us. We had interesting topics of conversation, a mini photo shoot and BA brought in her cocktail which she drank the entire time that we were there. There was also an epic fail of a reality dating game for MB and an Enterprise employee. It was the perfect set up: coordinating outfits, he asked all the right questions and he even gave her a car! It was an epic fail because he was married. Yep, that's right. Can you believe it?! I mean he shouldn't have even qualified as a contestant! He couldn't help it though, it was only a reality dating game to me. In my world. After all, I had to do something fun while we waited. After negotiating a stellar price on our rental and him handing over the keys we were off and way more comfortably seated this time. Yay us for making a grown-up decision!

We made it all the way to Oxford before running out of gas and kool-aid. Fill 'er up, potty, buy beer and we were on our merry way once again. After another short stop in Douglasville and a quicky through the city we finally arrived at our destination. There's no way of describing the feeling that you get when you see those neon letters and glowing palm trees. It's bittersweet because the memory of having it so close and then having it taken away lingers in your head. Then joy comes overpowering all of that because for just a couple of hours you can have it again! We rearranged the furniture to properly accommodate us and then we waited. There! In the distance, he was spotted. Keith Shoemaker! Our party was now complete (or as complete as it was going to be for this Bahama Breeze excursion.) ...So bring on the Bahamaritas!!! Oh yes, they were broughten! Keith educated us on 'burrito balls', filled some of the girls in about the brown towel and was welcomed to our ongoing discussion of a Men's Health article. Just when things were getting good, a tragic thing happened. I party fouled and spilled my entire Bahamarita. *Gasp* Keith insisted on licking the top and then he salvaged what he could by sticking his straw in the puddle of frozen goodness. He then began trying to tackle the spillage in the sugar tray. He called in for special machinery when he saw that the straw wasn't quite cutting the mustard, but the fork he found did just fine. After recovering from this terrible tragedy we decided that we should have dessert. Lucky for us Keith came prepared and had a trunk full of JELLO. After a dessert party in the parking lot we said our goodbyes and headed back to Birmingham.

Sunday was a lazy day and very low key. Tiff and I went to breakfast at The Egg and I and then back to my house for some lounging and a movie. Later we went to lunch at Nothing But Noodles and then we went to Yogurt Mountain for dessert. Feeling like we should be at least a little productive we decided to do some light shopping and were successful in finding a gift for the groom. At the end of the day I told Tiff, "People usually party like rock stars for their bachelorette parties but this felt like a regular weekend. Maybe it's because we party like rock stars on the regular." True Story. The End.

The Next New Thing? I Surely Hope Not!

May! It's already May! I can't believe it. Time is just flying by and times are definitely changing. I'm getting back in the swing of things after a long, dry but much needed first quarter. And let me just say that it is much easier to get back into the swing than it is getting out. There are some days that I look back and I'm amazed that I made it through the day without having a drink. (If you know my boss you're wondering the same thing! She makes Miranda Priestly look like Mother Teresa.) Anyways, that is totally a detour from the point that I'm trying to make which is about a potential new pick-up technique. The Leg Feel Up? The question mark is because I'm not sure whether or not this is a new technique and/or if this is the correct terminology. The 'Leg Feel Up' is what I am going to call it for now.

Some of you may be confused so I am going to explain and hope for some insight to this new phenomenon. One of my first outings after Lent was a going away party for a friend from work. Total there were 5 guys and 4 girls hanging out in a crowded bar. Out of the 9 there was one married couple and the rest were singles. One of the single guys decided to pursue one of the girls by using his foot to caress the back of her leg. She mentioned this in conversation and it was unanimous that he was wasted and trying to flirt with her so we let it go. Later, I went to the restroom which was down a set of stairs. On my way back to the group I was walking up the stairs and this guy took his hand and ran it up the back of my leg. Random. I then asked the people that I was with if this was a new pick-up technique of some sort. They were clueless and so we just wrote it off as coincidence. The next weekend a girlfriend of mine had went to the beach for the Mullet Toss. She went out to the FloraBama and met a guy who grabbed her by the back of the leg and did a similar but more provocative move to what I had experienced the previous weekend. When she mentioned this I began to see a pattern and started to wonder if this is some kind of new thing. "Surely not!" I thought to myself. Why would anyone do this to pick up girls? What happened to conversation?! Then I remembered something about Ray Charles gauging women by the size of their wrists and thinking maybe these guys had just expanded on his idea. Can you tell the size of a women by the size of her thighs? Oh dear! What is the world coming to?!

This is just something that I have not been able to stop thinking about and then it happened to me again! There was someone that I knew who was having lunch and I went to say hello and give a side hug. He did not get up but instead totally felt up my leg. He started from the back-right above the bend-and moved upwards and to the inside stopping before he got totally inappropriate and then going back down. I was shocked and speechless that this had just happened mid day with no alcohol to blame. I mean it's much more than just a boob graze that can 'accidentally' happen. This is 100% intentional not doubt about it. Is this some kind of new pick up or just a random thing that has been happening to me and my friends?

I went out tonight and was in the company of several single and attractive men with whom I am friends. I decided to ask them about this new thing and didn't get a straight answer from them. Instead they tried to understand what I was talking about by using my leg to demonstrate and clarify the question at hand. I should have known better; I SHOULD have known better! So I am still without an answer and am left hoping that this is not some sort of new pick up technique. Lord help me if it is! I may decide it's just better for me to stay single.

Eating More Nutritiously

Fruit Loops were mandated after tonight's dinner. I had everything at home except orange juice. The lack of this one thing required me to stop at the Publix on my way home. So there in all of its glory is all of the orange juice in its small refrigerated section of the store. Who knew there were so many different kinds? I am very indecisive and the more choices I have, the longer it takes me to make a choice (maybe this is why I'm still single? LOL) Finally I decide on the one that has more calcium because to me this makes it more nutritious. After making my decision I began to think about whether or not the alcohol that would soon be added to this calcium enriched orange juice would cause the extra calcium to dissipate. I decided to put this thought out of my mind and to focus on the fact that I had just made a grown up health conscious decision.

I got home and began making my pitcher of fruit loops adding first my special mixture of flavored vodkas. Then the added calcium orange juice, pineapple juice and grenadine. Taste. Not quite it. Added some regular vodka and...perfection. Crushed ice in a pretty glass and bendy straw. Done and done. As I was putting things back in the fridge I came across some fruit salad. (Really it was fruit from the white wine and champagne sangria that I made earlier in the week, but it was presoaked fruit which is equivalent to fruit salad in my world.) And then came the best idea that I had had the entire day! Add the fruit salad to the fruit loop. Presto! Semi-homemade! Sandra Lee eat your heart out! My new concoction is called A Loopy Salad. It's a delicious nutritious addition to any day. See, I'm more domestic than you thought!

I Broke It...

I break a lot of things on a regular basis, basically this is a daily thing. Sometimes things aren't actually broken -just a little mangled and dented but never the same as they were before. Lots of times I just say, "I broke it" because I don't know how to fix it or undo what I did. Tonight I broke my blog. Not really, I just became a follower of myself. How narcissistic is that?! Well once I did it and realized that that's what I had done I found myself clueless on how to undo it. So there it is. I follow myself. If I were a dog I would be chasing tail...hmm, I have been called a bitch which translates to a female dog. I am female. I am a fan of chasing tail. Where does that leave me? A broke bitch chasing tail! LMAO The irony of it all!

Good At The Short Game

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and for those of you that know me, you know that that can be a scary combination: me + thinking. But, you also know that lately I've also been sober, so hear me out. I'm not getting any younger as are none of you, however, most of you are pros at the monogamous relationship. You're either currently in one or have been in one more recently than me. I tend to think that I'm better at the short game. I used to think that this theory was only pertaining to relationships but now I realize maybe it's just in general. Note the following:

• Good at parallel parking not driving
• Sprints not marathons (referring to running not drinking or b'day celebrations lol)
• Completion of small tasks; large projects have yet to be finished

Those are just some true life examples. As far as relationships go, there have been few and even fewer that were monogamous. Yes, I once was a cheater, but only a time or two and it was only because we were in a 'gray area.' Truly. You know when you're young and you have those off and on relationships, I was juggling. Looking back I would now consider that cheating so I'm fessing up. I have had a better run of luck with the short game and have always preferred it. After all, what's not to love? The thrill of the chase, the mind games, the attention and best of all no real commitment! When it starts getting too serious just go your separate ways.

But, as I said before, I've been doing some thinking and I not getting any younger, so maybe it's time to play more than just one inning. I've realized through my dating experience that

1. I don't have what it takes to just be a gold digger
2. Dating a bisexual creates a whole new set of fears and insecurities
3. Some ages are too old and
4. No one is perfect so don't hope for that.

That all said, if I were to meet someone, I think I'm ready to retire the short game. I have said things similar to this before but never really meant them. One of my friends actually called me out on it saying something like, "If you were serious then why are you still playing games?!" Presently, there are no games and I'm starting from scratch. Let the recruiting begin!

Life. It happens.

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever! This is something I do for fun and as a release and honestly I really enjoy it. There's just something about the depth of words and putting your life experiences out there for anyone to read. Having said that, I actually had a friend this week tell me that she missed my mad blogging skills. Actually that's not exactly what was said but it's what I heard. I told her it was because my life hasn't been that exciting lately and not really blog worthy. Because, I mean really, if I'm not excited about the happenings of my life then why anybody else be?! I told her I would try to work on a little something for her so here's my best shot...

As stated in a previous blog, I decided to make some temporary life changes. One of my many mottos is 'Go big or go home' and as luck would have it I made some big decisions all at once. All within the same weekend I decided to take a break from my best friend who I have known since middle school, give up ALL alcohol until Easter (making St. Patty's Day and exception to the rule. After all, it is my favorite recognized non gift giving holiday.) begin a hard-core job search and focus on myself and try to eliminate unnecessary stress and drama. And then someone died. Great. Icing on the cake right! Please don't think that I am being insincere because that's not how I want to come across but in the grand scheme of things that's how it happened. For real. Back to the motto for a moment, I like it best when referring to diamonds, drinks, paychecks, trust funds and some other things ;) just to name a few but not so much in the bad way like when giving things up or having to deal with life. In those situations it's just not the right motto because after it all you think why didn't I just go home aka give up and call it a day.

The first week of the "new me" was the hardest! As if trying to be a good friend to friends that lost a very close friend, paying my respects to the deceased, not talking to my best friend and not drinking weren't bad enough but it was also a week where my boss decided to be let's say hormonal, even though I think she's menopausal, both of which are nice ways of saying she was in major bitch mode. That was definitely a stressful week and one in which I questioned on more than one occasion (per day) why I had chosen to not drink. But guess what, I persevered! I got through it with the help of prescription drugs and Tylenol PM. What did you expect? I can't just give up everything! One step at a time.

That was just the beginning. There was also a week where I was an emotional wreck thanks to my frienemy Dot and my face exploded in ways that can only be described as asteroids trying to escape from under the skin only above my neck. Turns out it was because of a $95 face cream! For that much money I expect greatness like a glow or shimmer or something fabulous not to end up looking like I slept outside without a mosquito net! Ugh! So as my face begins to regain its moderate terrain and color I think, 'things are starting to look up' WRONG! On my way to church I rear-end an elderly lady who happens to be on her way to the hospital to visit her sick elderly husband. I made a common mistake by not paying good attention. I mistook a green turn signal for the green light and CRASH. Thankfully little damage was done to her car but unfortunately for me there was lots of obvious damage to P. Soph. Long story short: Body damage, mechanical damage, Spring Break=Insurance adjustors on vacay, no rental on my insurance policy. The new me has quickly become a younger more fashionable and sober Miss Daisy. Rock bottom? Not quite. Then Josie gets a free ride to the emergency room where she was hospitalized for a short period of time. Miss Daisy had it good compared to me! I then decided I was more like Job, you know, from the Bible. I had skin issues and everything that could possibly go wrong had gone wrong.

So here I am. It is Easter weekend! I am still car-less although I do enjoy not having to drive. I am proud of my soberness 68 days (minus 2, one was a Sunday and the other was a holiday) and proud of my no facebooking. I have applied for a random array of jobs all across the U.S. And, I can honestly say that I think that after everything that has happened over the last three months that I have more faith than I have ever had before. I'm trying everyday to be more positive and compassionate to those around me. I have chosen to have a new perspective in hopes that it will make me a better person.

28 Days & Counting

For those of you who are unaware, I have given up alcohol on temporary basis. I originally had planned to do this for Lent and life happened. I decided that it would be in my best interest to start this fast early. Today, I am 28 days sober! It sounds funny, maybe like I am a recovering alcoholic or something (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I am one who likes to go out and have a good time. A good beer or glass of wine, after a really rough week, a shot of tequila really does a body good. I enjoy liquid beverages of the sort and it's not as hard to give up as some people may think. However, after I took this vow of sobriety I was tested a lot but have stayed strong.

My life is changing everyday and I have decided to do the best that I can to make it change for the better. Some of the things that I once believed made my life better are no longer part of my life. But everyday is a new day and life goes on with or without them. My quality of life is neither better or worse but my days and goals are much clearer and I am moving towards them faster.