Originally written July 27, 2008
I am so surprised that I haven't been arrested lately! I've been doing stupid things- all by accident of course. I guess my mind is just wandering and I'm not paying attention. And all of my incidents have taken place while I was sober, so I really have no excuse! A couple of weeks ago while I was at the beach I stole a bracelet! I was just trying them on and went to a jewelry store to look at watches and there was a price tag hanging from my arm. I was so embarrassed! It must have gotten lost and mixed in with all of my previously paid for jingle jangles that I just happened to be wearing that day. After purchasing (paying and all!) a watch I ran back to the other store to return the bracelet. I didn't want the people to know that I had taken it by accident so I just put it back on the jewelry fixture and left. Hahaha so that was a funny thing that happened at the beach and then every store that I went into I felt like I should keep my hands in my pockets so that my newly discovered kleptoness would not take over. So then today, I tried to break into a car. It was not my car and I don't know who it belonged to. I was at the mall and I had parked in the parking deck. When I got ready to leave I saw a car that looked like mine and it was parked very close to where I actually parked. I hit the unlock button on my keys and the lights didn't come on. My immediate thought was that my key was broken because the other day I lost my keys and had to use a spare one and that clicker did not work. So I proceed to approach the car and stick my key in it and it will not turn. Then I look in the car and realize that it is not my car! I quickly remove my key and look around to see if anyone saw me do what I just did. Then I look up to see my car two spaces over- I know that this is my car because the lights are on and the doors are unlocked. I get in quickly and drive off knowing in the back of my mind that security somewhere is having a huge belly laugh at my stupidity. And then I hoped to myself that if that were so that they would also get a little choked on their coffee and donuts. I have now included thief and grand theft auto to my personal résumé so if you know any interested parties please let me know. Have their people call my people and we can set something up. lol
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