Originally written October 28, 2008
Tiffani went down on Wednesday and Rebecca and I drove down on Thursday. BA had class and didn't make it until Friday night. Shelley, Keith and Miranda also arrived Friday night. Our bridal itinerary began Friday afternoon with rehearsal followed by rehearsal dinner, panty party aka sock party but traditionally known as a lingerie party. (I say sock party because Smiley sleeps naked all except for her socks. The socks stay on for everything, and I mean everything! Just ask Tiffani! lol). Drinks were also to follow down at the tiki bar. Rebecca and I had our own plans for the day. We had planned to do some shopping because it was a bit overcast and we had to pick up some stuff for the panty party as well as some groceries and last but certainly least we had to get some beverages. :) Rebecca and I finished all of our tasks and began drinking around 2.
Rehearsal: Everything went very smooth and didn't take too long to get things figured out. This was also first sight of the groomsmen for me and Rebecca. Tiffani already knew the guys and she and Smiley were trying to give us the scoop on all of them. It was nice to be able to put a face with a story. They weren't so bad to look at and without the background information maybe they would have appeared more attractive. Yes, I am being judgmental but I have every right to be and I'm about to explain.
Groomsmen: There were six groomsmen including the best man. Two of them were married and the rest were single with at least a ton of baggage and additional issues. One of the four is in school to be and anesthesiologist but is currently a nurse, I think. He's short and I believe sexually deprived but the guys crack gay jokes on him. Another was dating his cousin who he had gotten pregnant but she miscarried (maybe that was a blessing in disguise, hello! incest GROSS!) Oh and that leaves the two R's. One became known as "tight pants" and the other as Auburn and/or Mama boy. Tight pants is self explanatory but his baggage was a cracked out ex-girlfriend and the other got his name for getting in an intense verbal confrontation with Rebecca about football and for going M.I.A. for a long time to talk to what he claimed to be his mother.
We attended the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, drinks in hand the whole time.
After dinner we headed back to our condo where the panty party was going to be held. Keith, Shelley, Mer and BA had all arrived by this time. While we were doing the panty thing Keith got settled in and began making Jello shots. After the party we all (all of us and the majority of the bridal party and their significant others) met down at the tiki bar and drank and got acquainted and got to catch up with one another. After lots of drinks there were lots of laughs, tears and texts. We closed down the tiki bar and remained down by the pool until about 2 a.m. As we were heading in my phone rang. It was one of the two R's who had gotten my number because one tried to call the other from my phone. The call came after some texts that were also made from my phone inquiring about some things in exchange for some other things, however I did not send the texts and didn't realize until too late what was actually going on. In hindsight it's all very amusing but the point of all of this is that shortly after the phone call the two guys showed up at our door. Around 3 a.m. I decided that it would be best for me not to drink anymore, after all I had been drinking consistently for the last 13 hours. By this time we had also lost most of our peoples; some had gone to bed, some had passed out and others were doing who knows what with who. So we chatted with the guys for a bit and then things got heated. We hit the topic of sports and the shit started flying. Fighting words were said and doors were slamming but everything got resolved in the end and there were no visible hard feelings.
Living Out Loud: A Weekend with Keith Shoemaker
Keith Shoemaker. A trip and a half. Love him! So hilarious. He also concludes most everything with a knuckle bump and then blows it up...pssshhh! Keith and his wife Shelley and Mer all arrived Friday night. Although I had met Keith before I had never really gotten to hang out with him until this weekend. They all had a lot of catching up to do considering that we had all already been drinking since early afternoon. We all met down at the tiki bar and by this time the majority of the bridal party was already shmammered. The best man was passed out in a chair, one of the groomsmen decided to pull out his treasures and one of the bridesmaids was trying to pick fights with people because she thought they were "hating on her" another was trying to score some pot because life hadn't worked out the way she thought it would, and another was upset because of a disbelief in happily ever after and disappointment in society and its depreciated values of "I do." Keith did his best to keep things light by being himself. He instantly came up with names for people. He originated the names Drunk Ashley which later became Drunk Black Ashley and Tight Pants. We filled him in on the cousin situation and jokes were made about the family tree going straight up and not having conflict in where to go for holidays and how it helped minimize your gift giving. Oh! and I almost forgot, he also shared his theory and reasoning about the brown towel.
Saturday was a new day and "The Big Day" for Smiley. After only a couple of hours of sleep, our day started with another knock on the door. This time it was Keith and tray full of jello shots. How considerate of him to bring us breakfast. Yes, 9:54 a.m. and we are already doing jello shots. Prime example of 'hair of the dog.' The bride, her maids and her MOH were all getting ready in or condo so Rebecca, Keith, Shelly, Mer and I all went to soak up some sun. Mer and Shelley went down to the pool while we ate breakfast and packed a cooler. Rebecca and I decided to go down to the beach and set up camp. Shortly after the rest of the gang decided to join us and they were sporting their "Spring Break 2008, PCB, FL" gear. They had stopped on their way and gotten some discounted memorabilia-4 for $20 because it was so last season! =) The beach turned out to be not such a good idea! The wind was blowing incredibly hard and Keith named it Desert Storm 2008. After being completely exfoliated by the blowing sand we decided to go to the pool. Did I mention that this whole time we were still doing jello shots? Because we were. Keith's plan was to have the whole entire tray finished by 11 a.m. On the way to the pool Keith stopped to talk to strangers and offer them jello shots. I thought I was bad about talking to strangers but Keith is on a whole different level! I mean complete conversations, sharing food and drinks and inviting them to hang out! He doesn't just converse with them, he befriends them. So, after talking to these people, we realize that they are from Birmingham and were attending a wedding that had taken place the night before-right before Smiley and Scott's rehearsal. One of Tiff's ex's was attending that wedding and they had run into each other just briefly. Random! Anyways, after talking to those people for what seemed like for-ev-er!!! we finally made it up to the pool and with only eight jello shots remaining! We didn't make the 11 o'clock deadline and at this point we had totally lost track of time. Laying trashed by the pool, Keith decided to start offering jello shots to any and everyone that walked by. He was yelling, "Jello shots? Want a jello shot? They're really good! Just try one!" Then a little boy walked by and he said, "Hey little boy, want some jello?" Rebecca and I were bananas! Laughing so hard! It was so inappropriate and so funny all at the same time. Keith and I finished the remaining shots (everyone at the pool declined, surprised?) and we decided to go back up to the room to drop off the now empty cooler, refill beverages and order lunch.
Tiffani was about to get in the shower and BA was watching football when we came in. BA is a huge Alabama fan and football and Keith informed her that he doesn't like football but sometimes he watches it because his favorite part is the band. BA finally gives up on trying to convert this non-football lover and decided to start getting ready. Rebecca, Keith and I all decided that we wanted pizza from Mellow Mushroom. The problem was that Mellow Mushroom doesn't deliver and we couldn't/shouldn't drive to go and get it ourselves. Keith and his inebriated self began banging on Tiffani's bathroom door and yelling for her to let him inside. She got out of the shower, wrapped herself in a towel, cracked the door and peeped her head out. Keith then asked/begged her to go pick up pizza for us. Thank goodness she has a good sense of humor and a sense of grown up responsibility for all of us. She agreed and we called in our order. It was to be ready in 30 minutes. Tiffani, the MOH, was finished bathing and fixing her hair at this point. The 30 minutes had passed and Keith was anxious for her to leave and go pick up our food. With only half of her hair dry and looking all crazy she went to pick up the pizzas. When she arrived they hadn't even made them up. The girl at the register said, "Those are your pizzas there" while pointing in the kitchen to a man tossing dough. So she had to sit and wait for the pizzas to be made and cooked with people staring at her and her ridiculous hair and thrown together outfit.
When Tiffani left to go get our food, we headed back to the pool. On our way back down there was a lady in the elevator with us and Keith randomly burst out into song. It was funny, embarrassing and totally inappropriate. The song of choice was "My neck, my back..." in the elevator with a complete stranger and yes! he did finish the lyrics and then concluded by announcing that it was the theme song for the weekend. The woman had no choice but to laugh and run for the doors as soon as they opened. When Tiff finally got back everyone but me went up to eat. I like my pizza cold so I decided to stay at the pool. I ended up falling asleep and waking up only because my phone was ringing. After a conversation that I can only partially remember I decided that I should eat some real food and start getting ready for the wedding that was starting promptly at 5:30.
As usual, I was running late. Rebecca and I made in time for the unity ceremony and the vows but missed the beginning, oops. It was a gorgeous ceremony and I was just glad that I was able to walk there. FYI: Jello shots and margaritas all day long are not the best for coordination. After the actual ceremony there was a prayer ceremony on the beach and pictures to follow. Rebecca, Tiff, BA and I decided to have our own mini photo shoot on the beach too. Then we headed to the reception. During the reception two of the groomsmen, the two R's aka Tight Pants and Mama's Boy hooked up with some girls and left to seal the deal. Keith decided that he was going to go and get the last tray of Jello shots and bring them down because the open bar did not have jello shots. Why? We just don't know. After some jello dessert cups and several beverages the party got started and the infamous Dancing Queen was performed!!!!
After the reception we all met at the tiki bar. The prodigal groomsmen returned and the plan was to head to Spin. One of the groomsmen got busted talking about how it would only take him about 45 minutes to take his hook-up home and meet everyone at the club. The other and his hook up were planning to go to different clubs so that worked out well for both of them. The guy who is dating his cousin had gotten in a tiff at the reception because of a phone call from some other guy, probably her brother heehee, so he was ready to hit the club too. Rebecca, Tiffani and I were exhausted so we didn't go with the rest. Shelly and Mer went to bed too.
The next morning was filled with laughter and stories that had happened the night before. Keith, BA, Drunk Black Ashley and Camille didn't get home until 4 or 5 in the morning. They went to Spin, another bar and Waffle House. Some major events were that Tight Pants tried to cut a corner on his bike and got stuck in the sand and flipped his bike but couldn't get off because his pants were too tight. Keith and Drunk Ashley danced with some interesting people and got sandwiched between them, borrowed their hats and then got harassed by them the rest of the night. One of the Rs' crazy ex girlfriends was at the club as he was leaving to hook up with someone else. (Just for clarification, it was not the same girl he hooked up with from the wedding- he had already had her twice and left her on the couch to go to the club. This was someone new.) And at the Waffle House there was conversation of blowing mud, The Golden Girls, Designing Women- Black Man! Black Man! and The Night that the Lights went out in Georgia along with an autographed Waffle House hat.
I am LMAO just at the memories that I recall! I hate that missed out but there was only so much that I could handle. It was real! Bump it...Pssshhh! And then we all headed home.
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