"...I was laughing at myself being funny on drugs"

Originally written June 27, 2008

Shit happens. It happens when we least expect it and it will probably never cease. With age you learn to appreciate all of the shit because if not you're just going to be miserable. It's not really the shit that you appreciate, it's more the results of it and the silver linings. Oh, and the shit doesn't equate to funny unless your bitches are there to remind you of the aftermath. (I do realize that I am saying shit an awful lot but it's because it's one of the few words left that I can still say without paying for it.)

"I was laughing at myself being funny on drugs" Our first example of the funny results of shit happening. This phrase resulted from a memory of rolling through hospital in a new convertible Saturn Sky, ie. the hospital bed. It was prefaced by, "It wasn't the drugs, I was fine and I knew I was being funny." The moral of this is that you go to the ER feeling like you're dying, hours, dollars, lots of drugs and millions of XRAYS later, you're admitted and feeling good. Then you go to surgery, things get removed and you can laugh about in all the days to come.

We have all had those random nights where you go out and have a few drinks and then miraculously you're shit-faced. The next day your memories are fuzzy and you feel like crap. How did that happen? It wasn't intended, but it happened. This is because real friends don't cut friends off because if they did then there would be no black mailing for later and no funnies to tell. Okay, so that's the shit and these are some of the various results: Was he cute? I did what!? Indecent exposure (in both public and private places) Motorboats. Karaoke. Bouncing around on people. Sharpie tattoos. Drunk dialing. Booty calls. The occasional regurgitation. And the list goes on and on and on. Don't pretend like these things have never happened to you!!! If you do you are a liar!

Oh, and let us not forget about horrible first dates! Tom D, Liar Liar and Mr. Voyeurism are my top 3. Only 1/3 of these guys did we know was a no-go from the beginning, but that's what you get for not paying attention and not listening. Oh, but the fun memories that came from all of these poor guys! A fun drunk night with doctors with a hail storm immediately following (that should have been a sign), a real life experience with Big Fish, both being in Alabama, a coincidence, I think not, and then of course, the Cabbage Patch Factory and the things that were said over dinner...that one night at that place in Trussville.

Dot at the Beach. Shit 4 and this happens all of the time and it sucks! Silver lining is... if you're bloated then maybe you'll get a more even tan and when the bloating is gone, you'll be brown everywhere.

I would love to go on but then I would be late for work! I hope y'all enjoyed reading about some of the shit that has happened to me and my bitches, I'm sure that there will be more! Stay tuned for more fun times...